Faith at Altitude

Religion and spirituality in the shadow of Pikes Peak

Friday, February 02, 2007

Are you ready for some football?

Folks take their football pretty seriously around these parts: Some sociologists even consider football fandom as a kind of religion.

Like different religious persuasions, many fans have their own rituals that delineate them from the guy across the salsa dip, and it's a good idea -- in the interest of cross-cultural exchanges -- to know who you're watching the Big Game with. So, as a reader's service, we're providing the following guidelines for "football denominations."

Evangelical -- wears jerseys and foam fingers at work as a witness of his team's greatness
Baptist -- jives on the whole Gatorade dunking at the end
Presbyterian -- feels the game's outcome has been pre-ordained
Methodist -- brought the best food
Unitarian-Universalist -- likes ALL the teams equally
Seeker -- asks what a shovel pass is
Mennonite -- wears only retro jerseys
Amish -- forgave Terrell Owens for being such a jerk
Religious Right -- questions why the quarterback spends so much time touching the center's butt
Pentecostal -- lays hands on T.V. for better reception
Fundamentalist -- likes the old leather helmets best
Postmodern/emergent -- asks fellow fans "how they feel" when team struggles
Atheist -- believes the game is made up by greedy advertisers
Heretic -- came wearing an Oakland Raiders jersey
Catholic -- feels guilty about not rooting hard enough
Lutherans -- post 95 suggestions for the coach on your TV screen


Post a Comment

<< Home